So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
