he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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