Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
