If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
