Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
