I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize