Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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