She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
