If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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