it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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