who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
