the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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