you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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