I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
