If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
