Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
