Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
