I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
