I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
