We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
