Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we made out on top of his cat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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