Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Life is so much better after having sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
