so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
