On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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