This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
