Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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