i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
