She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This baby is an asshole
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
