Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize