Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
