We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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