He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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