At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
