I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
