then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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