my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
