All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
