Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
