So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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