so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
