So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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