So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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