We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My ass is underappreciated
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
