why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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