why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
