my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Randomize