defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
