they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
