Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
