So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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