You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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