Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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