dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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