he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
