So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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