you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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