ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
