Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
