Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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