Can i not drive my cunt home
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
