The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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