You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
