Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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