Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
